There are two kinds of people in life: those who have had the same set of friends for most of their life, and those who keep making new ones all the time since the old ones never stay. When the second becomes a repeated tale, many end up blaming themselves and trying to figure out if something’s wrong with them. However, sometimes in life, things happen due to a mix of reasons, some credited to your own behaviour and others to someone else’s. Here are 5 reasons you keep losing friends and how it’s not your fault.
We value similarities
Let’s be honest, most friendships you form in the modern age are situation-based. You are either in the same class, same office or love the same hobby. Thus, when distance comes in and situations change, leading to the similarities to disappear, so does the relationship. While you might lament the loss, it is important to accept that it was the similarities and proximity that connected you to them, not some profound and meaningful bond.
Lack of time
These days, time is the most luxurious commodity. One that many people are selfish enough not to spend on others. Thus, most are very choosy in who they give their precious moments to and make time for. Between juggling jobs, handling children and finding solace, not many have the will to make time to invest in friendships.
Ignoring the seasons
When you plant a sapling, numerous reasons affect its growth. The most important of them all is the season. If you plant something at the wrong time and in the wrong place, then you’ll be frustrated to see it not grow. Similarly, in life people have seasons. While you might be focusing on your career, a friend might be looking to get married. Thus, what was once a successful friendship might run its course due to a change of seasons. Accepting this is the only way to move forward.
It’s a partnership
Greek philosopher Aristotle said that “friendship is essentially a partnership.” In a partnership, it’s 50-50, an equal playground. While every friendship has a time when one friend has to put in more effort than another, it can not be a prolonged state of single-sided efforts. Friendship is a shared experience and if one brings nothing to the table then the person is bound to get up and leave.
Putting all your eggs in one basket
Expectations are the enemy of the now. When one has only a few friends or one best friend, the expectations placed on them are heavy and many. However, as life goes on, sometimes one may fail to show up and adhere to these expectations. In this case, things can get stuffy and resentment can rise. It is important to realise that in life, you need more friends than one. Not because of the numbers but because the more pillars you attach to your foundation, the stronger the build of your world.
Why is losing friendships not really your fault?
In the 1950s, sociologists revealed three essential conditions for the formation of friendships: physical proximity, unplanned interactions and setting a conducive environment for confidence. However, in the current society, it has become increasingly difficult to meet these conditions.Today, we pay the price of constant haste and engage in numerous casual relationships rather than a few robust friendships. With the arrival of social media, another layer has been added to the equation. That of following each other online, sharing posts and showing up in the social space.When you keep losing friends, what you need to do is analyse which of these 5 factors are at play. And in the end, remember that where there is a will, there is a way. For you to be friends with someone, or for them to keep their connection with you, all it takes is the will. The wish to make time, execute plans and show up no matter what.
